by workmates of Declan Brazil…rider No 3, 2001
Scientists trekking by Bicycle through the Simpson Desert have found the rare and endangered Megasaurarse. This Dinosaur from the late Devonian Period, was thought only to have inhabited the Oxford Street Precinct of Sydney. Rated a “ground breaking find”, the Megasaurarse was dressed similarly to the Oxford Street variety in tight bicycle shorts, extending the range of this magnificent beast and its curious plumage to its furthest west yet.
The Megasaurarse is a strange animal. Thighs that bristle with muscle and sweat arise below a groin region distinctly devoid of any major appendages. When in heat, this beast will rub its ring relentlessly until bleeding commences, thereby attracting a mate – usually of the same sex. Reproduction itself remains a mystery. Totally numb nuts and hands further make successful reproduction, or even self pleasuring, unlikely.
The major food source of this quirky sub-reptile is thought to be flies and other insects. This assumption is based on the observation of relentless mouth movements, even when travelling through thick flyblown patches of cow manure, a pattern of behaviour analogous to whales feeding on plankton. When available though, the Megasaurarse will consume beer like there is no tomorrow. Publicans serving this beast will do well to note that it has been observed vomiting up earlier feeds of beer in order to consume more. This often preceeds random attempts at mating, so the local dogs need to be kennelled for the night when a herd of the Megasaurarses is in town. It is also after one of these drink-vomit-drink spells that the Megasaurarse’s distinctive call is usually heard – “Maaaid I’mmm Faaaarrged”.
The leading think tank studying this and other such creatures, the Academy for the Study of the Dinosaur Megasaurarse, or ASDM, has been delighted by the news of the arrival of these creatures in Birdsville. After plotting of the satellite images and sightings, day by day, it was felt the major sub species, Megasaurarse Declanus, would never make it. A book was running that Day 2 of the Race for Survival, would see Megasaurarse Declanus already at Birdsville Pub holding up the bar, waiting for the rest of the herd to wander in. However, A/Prof C. Tomarelli and her research assistant Dr T.T. Tanyaski, were sure the sub species Declanus would triumph – and so it has proved. The Dean of the Faculty, Prof . Rogerem Tiltheydrop, was also sure Megasaurarse Declanus would prevail, if only because it was no way near as hard as it was in his day!
Congratulations Megasaurarse Declanus – may your sorbolene go on easy and your body recover.